Chapter Text
(Headlines after Superman showed up to an interview with a bite mark on his neck)
Superman "not apologizing for being curious about someone with fangs"
Vampires in the Justice League?
Superman, the kryptonian snack
Bite mark proof of superbat
Why Batman is a vampire
‐‐‐
“Marvel, a word.”
“Yes?”
‐‐‐
"You aren't even mad about more people believing you to be a vampire. You are from Gotham, if there is one place that you could reasonably assume that a vampire hero might like, it is the gothic city that is so cloudy and dark that a projector is a good contact method.” Fawcett's superhero didn't look the slightest bit sorry. “You are just disappointed in yourself because you were among the Justice Leaguers who could have seen me walk around drinking from a blood bag with a straw in it and automatically assumed that I had gotten it from a Halloween themed shop.”
“Hum.”
“I could probably do it right now. Tell them that I didn't want you to be the only one drinking from a plastic bag and be believed.” A sh*t-eating grin. “Because everyone knows that I am just that much of a kind and supportive person. After all, if it was your first time biting a kryptonian, you couldn't have known that Superman's super healing wouldn't kick in fast enough to fully erase the mark of your fangs! And you are usually so good at secret keeping, that must have been such a mortifying moment for you! Why wouldn't I, as a good teammate, try to make it easier in what little ways I could?”
“Events like these are why I don't let you work with Nightwing if I can help it.”
Giggling. “There is actually a year round Halloween themed shop in Fawcett, if you want to mess more with the other Justice Leaguers. They sell this thickening agent that goes very well with cranberry juice, really popular with horror movie makers. Comes in a nice decorated flask with assorted goblets if you buy it as part of one of their gift boxes. Or just a simple bulk container if you already have something suitable at home.”
“I will consider it.”
‐‐‐
Watch the twilightification of a Green Lantern!
Glitter makeup and false fangs: How Captain Marvel got payback on Batman's behalf
Wayne Enterprises finance research into blood substitutes!
True Blood, closer than we think?
Sales of waterproof glitter makeup on the rise
He had it coming: Green Lantern #3 ignored a clear warning according to Red Arrow
Daytime revenge: The dangers of insensitive “jokes”
‐‐‐
“I know that sigh, a bunch of them came at you with questions that were already covered in the documentation you made available to them didn't they?”
A deeper bat sigh.
“Was it all based on movies, or did you get to answer a few people who remembered their, also greatly inaccurate, classics from school?”
“Bodice rippers.”
Clark paused for a moment.
“Direct references or?”
“Oracle also found many romantasy reading lists and google searches that were made by Justice Leaguers. At least with Gotham Rogues and the lower level criminals I can just knock people out when they get too much."
“That… Explain a lot about Justice League Dark’s reluctance to interact with any of us lately. And Captain Marvel's pranking spree.”
“Spree?”
---
"Hi moonshine," Constantine waved Marvel over." I heard that you served some humble pie to a few supers? How did that go?"
"I think that the sensitivity training is going to get updated." The Champion rolled his eyes. "Red Hood called to ask me why he was getting pulled in to unearth origin points, prejudices, historical context, scientific explanations, cultural bias and mistranslations of the happenings in old tales. As if Fawcett University didn't already have most of that openly available. It's progress at least." He took a big breath and smiled. "But moonshine really? What happened to calling me a sunny goody two shoes?"
"Felt inappropriate after figuring out that you were Blessed with Selene's Flight from a discussion with Flash about your speed. And," a finger lightly knocked on the enchanted wall next to them, "I love how many speakeasies you have going on there."
"Had to have somewhere for people to get loose in. What worth would a magical owned bar be if you couldn't recreate that meal scene from Beauty and The Beast whenever you wanted? The Prohibition just helped the numbers along."
"I heard things about maenads being involved."
“They are still there.”
Constantine froze. “Thought that somewhere like Gotham would be more their speed."
"If Dionysus had been only about insanity, ritual madness and religious ecstasy, then perhaps. Can't say that the place has much going on for it when it comes to wine-making, orchards, fruits, vegetation and fertility. Or just nature in general. Barring Poison Ivy of course."
"Can I ask", the Laughing Magician nervously licked his lips, "who else helped build Fawcett? Who the founders were?"
Laughter. "Spend long enough in Fawcett's magical hotspots and you should be able to guess all of them, but alright. I will tell you one more group. Just because you asked so nicely, and that this is going to be very entertaining once the knowledge hits the rest of Justice League Dark." His smile grew a dangerous edge. "Vampires." His mouth opened just wide enough to show wicked fangs.
Behind them, the sun finished coming down.
‐‐‐
“Oh, come on John! He was just messing with you! Marvel has been on a vampire themed pranking spree ever since the press took pictures of that hickey Spooky left on Supes! Don't tell me you got scared just because he decided to splurge on good quality fake fangs for you!?”
---
“Laugh it up all you want Zee, but at least tell me you will take a look around Fawcett.”
“Are you sure that this was really Captain Marvel?”
“Certainly felt like him under daylight.”
‐‐-
Zatanna stared, stared and stared some more. “How?”
“Magic. And high protection sunscreen just in case. Batman regularly buys me the biggest bottles available on the market now that he knows. Can still get sunburns if I am not careful enough, there are even pictures of it happening. It's why moms like to wave me over to show their kids how to stay still during application.”
She briefly covered her eyes with her left hand in entertained despair. “Mothers wanting to get their hands on your face aside, this still doesn't… No, wrong question. It would make sense for magical vampires to figure out how to protect themselves against the sun.” A smile. “Who do you drink from?”
“Nurses. Mostly. Fawcett Hospital gives its surgery and analysis leftovers, as well as its expired blood bags, to the ghouls and vampires on staff, but is contractually obligated to source the venom to boost its employees immune system from trusted vampires who aren't part of the workplace hierarchy. I and a few others bite volunteers during their fifteen minutes break, and the rest of their colleagues get their doses from vials.” Laughter. “The new hires' faces when they learn of it never get old.”
“Ahh, the things that aren't covered in medical school.” She nodded sagely.
“Indeed!”
‐‐‐
The day had begun innocently enough for Barry.
Up early, as usual. Kissed a still sleeping Iris on the forehead. Clothed himself. Double checked the day schedule.
Eaten a speedster bar.
Plugged in the big crockpot after filling it up according to the recipe suggested by the app, then did the same with the two smaller ones for the sides, snacking on freshly cut vegetables the whole time. That was supper preparations done with.
Breakfast preparation, sourdough pancakes. Sparing a moment to feel thankful for the starter that Marvel had gifted him years ago. Eat a bowl of cereal filled with milk.
Been hugged by each member of his family as they rose.
Eat breakfast with them.
Kissed Iris, on the mouth this time, before going to work. Almost arrived late to work, because they had gotten a little bit carried away with the kissing, but worth it.
Eat multiple plates worth of food at the Hall of Justice during his morning break.
Quiet morning in Central City. No need for any Flashes. Good time at work.
Going to the Watchtower for a midday meal. Eat with Marvel in the smaller kitchen, separated from the one in the cafeteria.
Helping his friend put the finishing touches to the humongous recipe of that day. The guy always had great ideas and there were never any leftovers once they were done. Taste test a generous portion of the result and pick up a box of speedster bars for home.
Sneak a few kisses to Iris before her own meal time ended.
Back to work. Still a quiet day in Central City.
Eat supper with his family.
Kiss Ir‐.
A comm message from Batman. Evac needed at a gala. Wonder Woman acting mind controlled.
---
They had to call in the Justice League Dark.
The Justice League Dark then decided to call in Captain Marvel.
Because apparently, someone had somehow gotten the bright idea to put an incredibly ancient necklace full of godly magic, and that once belonged to the goddess Hera, around Diana's neck. A daughter of Zeus who wasn't also a daughter of Hera.
As if that goddess in particular wouldn't be petty enough to curse her jewelry to hell and back with the express intent to bring suffering to any of her husband's bastards or lovers who might get their hands on her belongings.
‐‐‐
"Zagreus says hello.” That got the attention of the imprint of Hera. “What? You didn't know that your husband had arranged for his reincarnation?” In the back of his mind, the Champion could almost feel his Patrons eagerness for this. “The heart was given to Semele to eat and become pregnant with. Dionysus would have been conceived even if his second mother hadn't been Zeus' lover. Not that you knew that when you manipulated her into asking something that would kill her, but still."
Diana's possessed body charged at him with an enraged cry.
"All these innocent children you tried to kill merely for existing, and you couldn't even do that much right!” He tutted while dodging the shining sword. “Had you tried to do the dirty work with your own hands instead of those of others, would you have slipped and hurt yourself instead?” He disarmed her of the blade. “You certainly have the track record for it! Couldn't even kill Hephaestus as a newborn, and that one was all yours!"
The Lasso of Truth joined the fight.
"Were you ever truly Zeus' wife!?” He grabbed and started tugging the glowing rope out of her grip. “Metis was closer to him than you ever were and for longer as well!” He smiled mockingly. “All safe and warm in her husband's stomach until death parted them, there during each vow he took, including the ones said to you at your marriage! Zagreus’ third mother, carrying him to term and giving Zeus the prophesied son he swallowed her for! How could he ever have been yours when he never let her go for a second while he still drew breath!?"
He used the newly liberated Lasso of Truth to better restrain his friend's body.
Cackling. "It took your son Ares killing his own father for them to finally be separated! She climbed out once he was gone!” He gripped the cursed artifact around Diana's neck. “Tell me, oh second choice, did the goddess of lawful marriage get to play at being a widow, or did Metis not only become Zeus' first wife, but also his last one!?"
The necklace broke in his hand.
---
Diana put down the spoon in her finished bucket of ice cream. “Such mean words you said brother, I didn't know you were capable of it.”
Marvel shifted a bit. “I needed her focused enough on me to forget about all the people around us she could have inflicted her favorite madness curses on. Zagreus and Metis were quite glad to help me push the right buttons to get her set on ending me above all else. And,” a deep breath, “I was worried about what she might have been doing to your mind. The things she did to all these women Zeus bedded and their families were… She would have used your own hands to kill those you cared about the most, done anything to manipulate you into harming your nearest and dearest, everything she could get away with to drown you in guilt, to destroy the person you were before she got there. To break you. The longer she had the better her odds. Redirecting her anger was the fastest way I could find.”
“Oh, brother.” She drew him into a hug. “Thank you for sparing me from Herakles’ fate.”
“Anytime.”
“And don't think I have forgotten how much more powerful than usual you were.”
“Comes with having Hekate as a Patron.”
“You start sparring with me at night as soon as possible.”
“Of course.”
She hugged him tighter.
